Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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