i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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