Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
