Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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