God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
