I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
