She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
