Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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