Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
