I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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