Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
