Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
