Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
