Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
