hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
