i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
