there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
P.S. I can't hear my feet
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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