Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
