I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
