Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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