is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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