Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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