I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
