Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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