He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
