So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Your dad touched me again.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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