So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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