is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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