How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
