Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize