when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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