Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
