the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
