Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
