She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
