Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
