so explain again why im purple
no
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
