life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
