do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
