Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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