I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
