just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
