summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
