needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There's always time for handjobs
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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