Fuck appropriateness.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
