As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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