Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
