I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
