he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
