I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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