just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
