I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You're so nebulous sometimes
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
