tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
