Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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