would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
