i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
