i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
