when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
