Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
