We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
