Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
