turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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