and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
