Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
