i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
